Tuesday, 17 January 2012

I am a Tesco Robot

I think I have a Tesco Extra addiction. I walk in with my trolley, am immediately seduced by the flowers and plants and select a bunch of roses or lillies depending on which look healthier, then linger around the magazine aisle thinking 'Look or Grazia, Look or Grazia?' and almost always end up buying both so I should just learn to throw them both in the trolley and stop wasting time. I then go to the card section and think about what month it is and whether I need to buy any cards for anyone. Then I always look at what offers they have in Homeware and wham bam I'm sold on candles, anything seasonal (de-icer and scraper before Christmas which actually came in very useful this week so not a wasted purchase), napkins, some form of kitchen gadget and most recently glassware. (This is all before actually buying any food.)

Tesco are currently running an offer on Royal Worcester glassware where if you collect five coupons you get 70% off. So in went a box of four red wine glasses which are huge - Cougar Town style- and some tall heavy bottomed tumblers which make even lime cordial and soda water feel glamorous and expensive. They were £7.99 and £4.99 which I decided was a very good price. Sold. Another robot purchase.  More Clubcard points. More robotic behaviour.

I am definitely addicted to building up Clubcard points. Things I have purchased with Clubcard points over the years include tickets for the Eurotunnel for a holiday to France, a BBC Good Food magazine subscription, countless Pizza Express vouchers, champagne, flowers and books. All of which are pretty good in my (robotic) opinion. And it keeps me going back for more. I spend an increasing amount of time in the foreign foods aisle these days buying things like 'Ting' - fizzy Caribbean grapefruit drink - which I clearly don't need but reminds me of holidays in the West Indies.

I know I'm addicted to Tesco Extra but I don't mind. That's the sad thing. I go in once a week to do the big shop. My husband half heartedly offers to come with me but I always say oh don't worry I'll be quicker doing it myself. That's a lie. It takes me ages. But I just don't want him to see the sick way I go into a trance and stare at the selection of Pyrex dishes on the shelves.

Then I 'pop in' on the way home from work a few times a week. A pint of milk becomes a new top for work from Flo and Fred, a tube of toothpaste becomes shampoo and conditioner on BOGOF, and a box of cereal becomes a bottle of wine reduced from £12 to £6. I am up sold, cross sold, every-which-way-possible-sold yet I continue to go in and buy practically ANYTHING they offer me. Apart from the BOGOF bags of mini eggs I looked at tonight. A small victory. I held my head up high and walked right past those small bags of crack thinking YESS I have defeated the Tesco marketing machine. That was until I bought two tiny boxes of mini eggs for £1 instead.

My name is Cookie and I'm addicted to Tesco Extra.

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